The Pit

In recent days, there’s been a growing pit in my stomach.  Why?  Everything so it seems, including a 22 year old Continental 816R-5B.  I won’t bore you with all the details, but there are certainly a few major concerns that involve Baby Savannah.

Having a baby is not a process we’ve been through before in our lives, so it’s scary.  Add any complication to a pregnancy, and it gets super scary.  Now toss in a set of complications so rare that there is minimal scientific research to guide me as a parent in determining a course of treatment.  As Savannah’s Daddy, I want to make the best and most informed decision I can regarding her care, but even our insurance doesn’t have a standard of care for her condition.  It’s scary!

As a husband and father, I recognize that I have a responsibility to support and be there for my wife and family.  This introduces another set of conflicts between working and keeping the jobs that support them and spending time with them.  I simply don’t know how I’ll manage my work responsibilities and my family responsibilities.  I know we’ll figure it out, but it’s still scary recognizing that there’s a vast unknown there.

I think the not knowing is the worst part sometimes.  Lori and I have been clinging to Proverbs 3:5-6 as we recognize that God has a plan.  And yet, it’s not our plan.  We’ve run into folks that have almost ignored the severity of Savannah’s condition by merely believing that God will heal her and all will be fine.  Can God do that if he wants?  Absolutely!  We continue to pray for her complete healing, yet we recognize that God’s plan is not our plan.  Just as Jesus prayed until he bled from his forehead to not die on the cross; ultimately, God’s plan was for him to die.  In Savannah’s case, God’s plan may just be for us to travel to Boston to have her heart repaired.

Adding to the stress, our insurance has been as helpful as you might imagine for an insurance company.  They don’t want to pay any claims that they don’t have to pay.  This will leave us on the hook for some rather expensive tests and procedures.  Add the fact that Savannah’s heart surgery will likely be done in Boston, MA next year, and the $600 that remains in our savings account simply won’t go very far.

We’ve crunched the numbers and are expecting this journey to cost us about $30,000 in the next year.  This is an incredibly large number in the context of our annual household income.  The journey from Birth to Boston is going to be enormous; and frankly, we need help!  We need financial help.

In a time where nearly every business, organization, and church group is raising money for some cause, Savannah’s Heart is being added to the list.  Lori and I are working on setting up the needed bank accounts and fundraising infrastructure, but we certainly can’t do it on our own.  We’re not here to beg, but to simply state “there is a need.”  I firmly believe that God will meet each and every one of our needs, including this rather large one.

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  Matthew 7:7 NIV

Learn more on the How to Help page.


This entry was posted in Dad.

One comment

  1. Mickie says:

    Ryan, I wish the fathers and to-be fathers had half your faith, responsibility, and love for the mother of your baby and for the baby you have yet to meet. Your blog made me cry. Not out of helplessness or hopelessness, but out of the love you show them. I do so wish that God undertakes the miracle that we so want for all of you. But as you have said, God has His own plans.

    Whatever you need, there are those of us who will do WHATEVER we can to help make this as easy as possible for you three, knowing none of this is easy! Yes, we all want a MIRACLE, and know that God can afford a healing. So, we will keep that in the forefront, but will also pray that God leads everyone down the path that must be taken!

    We can say, you aren’t alone, for we are all behind you. Knowing that we cannot walk directly with you as we are not directly involved. But the one thing you should know is, no matter what path you go down, no matter where this leads you three, GOD LOVES YOU! He WILL put those in your lives that will help you through this. Please know this, when you feel you can go no farther, when you feel that the walls are closing in….reach out to those you know love you and know that they will just listen and let you vent all your fears, tears, and the unknown. We ALL will just sit and listen. Knowing we may not have the answers, but we have love and faith for three of God’s most precious children.

    I just want you to know what an amazing man you are and what a beautiful honest tribute to the two people you love the most! God will bless you and will be hold you up. In a world where most fathers are little to non existent, you have taken your job as daddy and husband to heart!

    Will keep you all in my prayers! Our Father has never let us go through anything alone. You are NOT alone Ryan. As a mother and a grandmother, it breaks my heart to see you kids going through this,. but I do know that if this little one could have anyone in the world as parents, God knows who the BEST are for her, and that is Lori and you! Love and prayers ALWAYS!!!

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